Benvenuto amore

LoveCherubLeftLoveCherubRightStuffed among the bills in my mailbox was the latest copy of Love News, full of illegible, eligibible … oh bugger it! … desperate career women and randy widowers. There!

The editorial of Love News thoughtfully echoes the inscription on Marx’s tomb with the headline, Lovers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose except your pride, it didn’t add. The editorial laments the loss of the romance of yore, that today has become merely a pretext for business (true).

And 100 years from now? Will we send flowers by spaceship? Will we use holograms to send greetings? Will we have created a machine that can kiss our lover light years away? Well then … lovers of the world, UNITE! Don’t let your sentiments be beaten down by supertechnology … are they not better than chocolates?

Err, the last bit is lost in translation, I think.

I had been hoping that the ads would be suitably cringeworthy and amusingly exaggerated but I get the impression that the agency has rewritten them as they are very bland and standardized.
Thanks to the joys of automatic translation, however, we can still get a cheap laugh.

I feel my large house therefore and empty and this feeds in me desire of one similar. I am a 75-year-old widower, I have large sons and arranges, I would want to find one to you good mrs., serious cake and for living with the days of our life.*

Ahh, bless…

Next!

Graduated in Jurisprudence, I carry out the profession of Lawyer near one company be them, 44 years nubile. I would want to meet a sincere, cultured man, celibate, I am catholic and I would want to finally marry in church and possession of the sons.**

One important point to note before dating an Italian: the women are usually not nubile and the men are never celibate. Both words simply mean single.

*Sento la mia casa così grande e vuota e questo alimenta in me il desiderio di una compagna. Sono un 75enne vedovo, ho figli grandi e sistemati, vorrei trovare una brava signora, dolce e seria per vivere insieme i giorni della nostra vita.

**Laureata in Giurisprudenza, svolgo la professione di Legale presso una azienda statale, 44 anni nubile. Vorrei incontrare un uomo sincero, colto, celibe, sono cattolica e vorrei sposarmi in chiesa ed avere finalmente dei figli.

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