We have 125 channels on TV.
I watch very little and very irregularly: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and, the main advantage of so many channels, reruns of great US comedies such as Seinfeld, Frasier and vintage Cheers. Yet it’s one of the mysteries of the universe that I seem condemned to see the same six episodes of Seinfeld over and over again. Did they only make six?!
But now a new distraction has come into my life: Nigerian romantic movies. They are very popular in Kingston and are bootlegged for the same price as authentic movies, such is the demand. What they offer is a satisfying formula of romance thwarted and refound, wicked rascals vanquished and lots of shaky camera work.
Here’s the latest: Love Affair. The blurb begins thus: “A girl finds herself in love with another man when her fionce is sent to prison.” What? Fionce? Think Beyonce and you’ll get it.
So boy (Frank) meets girl (Rose). Girl drops out of school. Boy sacrifices everything to help girl graduate.
Bad boy (Poka Messiah), imagining he’s God’s gift to women (perhaps understandable with that name), hits on girl, but gets the cold shoulder.
Bad boy frames good boy (“for a crime he didn’t commit”), shooting a college teacher by his car.
Good boy arrested with unexplained bloody wound and is condemned to 10 years in jail, abandoned by all except faithful girl. Girl graduates and begins work in bad boy’s father’s company.
Frank is just being frank! explains good girl’s feckless friend.
Girl succumbs to reformed bad boy’s wily ways (e.g. now calling himself Patrick). Girl’s wedding to bad boy is on the same day good boy is released from prison …
Lights! Camera! Action!
There’s an obvious similarity to The Graduate, although the soundtrack as they run makes me think more of An Officer and a Gentleman meets Benny Hill.
Ahh! Dem wicked brute dem ded and righteous so.
Amor vincit omnia, fe true. A-hoa!
Final heartwarmer is in the credits … Can you spot it?