Ria Bacon: editor & writer

Linguist with wanderlust,
From the hills of New Guinea to the halls of the Sorbonne,
From the beaches of Bassam to the fields of Friesland,
From the catacombs of Rome to the Blue Mountains of Jamaica.
From the heather of the Veluwe to the dust of Dakar ...

Currently resident in the Land of Sea with a small tribe of kids and Mr B.

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Amor vincit omnia fe true

We have 125 channels on TV.

I watch very little and very irregularly: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and, the main advantage of so many channels, reruns of great US comedies such as Seinfeld, Frasier and vintage Cheers. Yet it’s one of the mysteries of the universe that I seem condemned to see the same six episodes of Seinfeld over and over again. Did they only make six?!

But now a new distraction has come into my life: Nigerian romantic movies. They are very popular in Kingston and are bootlegged for the same price as authentic movies, such is the demand. What they offer is a satisfying formula of romance thwarted and refound, wicked rascals vanquished and lots of shaky camera work.

Here’s the latest: Love Affair. The blurb begins thus: “A girl finds herself in love with another man when her fionce is sent to prison.” What? Fionce? Think Beyonce and you’ll get it.

Frank being frankPretty RoseSo boy (Frank) meets girl (Rose). Girl drops out of school. Boy sacrifices everything to help girl graduate.

Bad boys
Bad boy (Poka Messiah), imagining he’s God’s gift to women (perhaps understandable with that name), hits on girl, but gets the cold shoulder.

The victim and THAT car
Bad boy frames good boy (“for a crime he didn’t commit”), shooting a college teacher by his car.

Frank's scar
Good boy arrested with unexplained bloody wound and is condemned to 10 years in jail, abandoned by all except faithful girl. Girl graduates and begins work in bad boy’s father’s company.

Painted prison uniform
Good boy forced to wear hand-painted prison uniform, finds God and sets girl free from obligation to wait for his release.

Frank is just being frank! explains good girl’s feckless friend.

Rose succumbs
Girl succumbs to reformed bad boy’s wily ways (e.g. now calling himself Patrick). Girl’s wedding to bad boy is on the same day good boy is released from prison …

Lights! Camera! Action!

There’s an obvious similarity to The Graduate, although the soundtrack as they run makes me think more of An Officer and a Gentleman meets Benny Hill.

Poka's nemesis
Retribution is all the more satisfying as the car that kills Poka appears to be the same as that of the teacher he shot.

Ahh! Dem wicked brute dem ded and righteous so.
Amor vincit omnia, fe true. A-hoa!

Final heartwarmer is in the credits … Can you spot it?

Credits

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May 12th, 2006 | Tags: , , , , | Category: Fnuky Kingston, Movies, Photos
  • http://www.revolutionisland.blogspot.com Revolution island

    Heard about those movies. Saw my son’s preschool teacher perusing a list of them. Bootleg copies are going around like wildfire.

  • http://www.cmatheson.info charles

    These movies are the hottest thing in Jamaica right now.

  • plk

    I am a bit disappointed that you did not find out in which European coountry the Mercedes was stolen.

  • http://www.madbull4.net/weblog/ Mad Bull

    plk, I am sure there are a few ppl in Nigeria who could actually BUY a Benz, especially an old one like that. Nice little movie clip, Ria. Was the final heartwarmer the “Koldsweat”?

  • Ria

    You got it!

  • plk

    Mad Bull: My comment re stolen cars is based on the fact (as reported in last weeks papers) that legit used car importers on the west coast are going belly-up because they cannot compete with stolen car dealers. The legit people have called on their own and on European government agencies to step up law enforcing.

  • evelyn

    You can believe what the western press wants you to believe. Nigeria is the no. 5 oil producer in the world. There is money in that country and a lot of luxury cars. The problem is that it is in the hands of only 10% of the elite. Yall can keep feeding on white folks propaganda.

  • Ria

    Your point is unclear, Evelyn.

  • Sola

    Her point is actually very clear in relation to plk’s miseducated comments above. Whatever country he lives in may not even have enough luxury cars to rival the ones in Nigeria. Instead of him commenting on the Nigerian movies, he insinuates Nigerians steal cars. If we wanted to steal cars, you think it would be these 20yr old Benz types? Stop swallowing everything they feed you. Conduct your own investigation so you can sound a little informed when you comment in public places.

  • Ria

    I agree that his first comment was misplaced and insensitive; however, he did try to clarify himself in his second comment: Nigerian car importers are complaining to the Nigerian government and the EU about the high number of illegal imports. Nigerians are complaining, with justification, about other Nigerians. Nothing to do with “white folks propaganda”.