Ernesto has a problem

Music while you read, probably written by Winston Jarrett, but most definitely produced by Lee “Scratch” Perry.

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Ernesto has an identity crisis: he doesn’t know if he’s a tropical storm or a hurricane … yet. On this cool flash tracking map, he hasn’t even reached name status, just “Tropical Depression Five”. Oh the shame of it! He won’t be able to look the other hurricanes in the eye after such ignominy.

Of course all that may change by the time he reaches Jamaica on Sunday morning. In such circumstances it’s good to know that others appear to be prepared. Take, for example, the American Adjusters LC web site, whose motto,

We work through the claims maze with speed its our job

indicates that they are obviously too quick to be bothered by punctuation.

The rest of the text is similarly unconcerned with minor details such as actually making sense. It is clear that they have done an automatic text insert of the phrase “hurricane Ernesto damage claims” at least once in every sentence, producing such rhetorical gems as,

American Adjusters LC has carefully chosen its staff to be able to give excellent hurricane Ernesto damage claims. We provide a speedy processing of hurricane Ernesto damage claims, hurricane Leslie damage claims and hurricane Florence damage claims. We are definite that with our competent and resourceful adjusters, you’d be pleased to have hurricane Ernesto damage claims with us. We guarantee that we employ high quality method in hurricane Ernesto damage claims to satisfy that needs of our customers.

Maybe I’m too much of a stickler about language use, but I wouldn’t trust an insurance company that can’t be arsed to be more careful about wording – it makes me wonder how careful they are in processing insurance claims.

6 thoughts on “Ernesto has a problem”

  1. Couldn’t help playing madlibs with their prose, replacing ‘hurricane Ernesto damage claims’ with various (scabrous) alternatives…

    ‘party shots’, ‘private pictures’ and ‘rolls of film in discreet brown paper enveloppes’
    err… ‘intercourse’
    ‘handling special needs’

  2. The bit about the American Adjusters was very funny. The flash tracking of Ernesto was quite a bit scarier, especially since I just read that Ernesto is now a hurricane and is heading for Jamiaca. Be safe!

  3. Please tell Ernesto – but in plain prose so he understands, not like this – not to turn east and head for the Canaries instead like his uncle (aunt?) Delta did last year. Tell him to avoid Jamaica too, while you’re about it. Better than insurance for sure.

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