The recent general election in Jamaica was a close run between the People’s National Party, in power for 18 years, and the Jamaica Labour Party. While at least one of the sixty seats remains to be decided by the courts, the JLP still managed to squeeze past the incumbents with a four-seat majority.
Politically motivated violence had been anticipated; in the event it was relatively peaceful, at least in comparison with the 800 deaths attributed to the infamous 1980 elections. One death stuck out, literally, in last month’s election: a JLP supporter stuck his head out of the party bus and was almost decapitated by bamboo growing by the roadside. Stupid behaviour, and worthy of a Darwin Award, but actually not at all surprising if you have ever seen buses carrying party supporters to a rally in Jamaica: there are more people on top of the bus than inside not to mention those hanging from the outsides of the windows, or those sitting on the bonnet or hanging onto the radiator grill … The bus proceeds at top speed down the centre of the road, swerving violently in time to the beats from the monstrous sound system, which takes up more space inside than the passengers. It is an awesome sight, in the true meaning of the word.
My dear friend, the Reverend Dr Philip Phinn (read previously), had predicted a victory for the ruling party. Alas, his divine gift of prophecy failed yet again.
I took a more prosaic approach to predicting the winners and losers by using anagrams of names.
Here are the best results
BRUCE GOLDING (leader of the JLP, now Prime Minister)
Budge con girl an eminently respectable goal
Boring cudgel True, Bruce is no Portia when it comes to rabble-rousing
Glib con urged a comment on the huge investment in a media blitzkrieg. I particularly liked the ambiguous slogan, “Be apart of the change”, used in one of the many JLP TV ads (watch ad on YouTube).
Adding “MR” to his name gives us the more sensational
Cold, murdering B.G.
From the other side, PORTIA SIMPSON MILLER (now former Prime Minister), gives us
A missioner pimp troll a savage comment on her getting too cuddly with religious crackpots
Interim liar pomp loss The only Prime Minister never to have been elected. For “Liar”, see YouTube vid link above. And yes, she did enjoy travelling in high style when she went “a farrin” (overseas).
SIMPSON MILLER produces the pithier
No slimmer lips
My favourite anagrams, however, are generated by the now former Minister of Information, Donald Buchanan. He seemed to be the only member of the Government that spoke to the public and the media, relaying matters from other ministries and defending the party from any criticism. Unfortunately, he was also the most antipathetic person you could imagine as the Government mouthpiece: at his daily press conferences, he would slump forward on his desk, wearily reading from a sheaf of papers, occasionally peering up over his glasses to cast a withering glance over his audience he oozed total disdain and resentment towards his questioners.
Anagrams of MR DONALD BUCHANAN give a possible insight into the man behind the frown:
Hardbound clan man
Nonhuman bald card
Bad man, unclad horn
Just in case you take my anagrammatical musings too seriously, note that MS RIA BACON is only
A minor scab